Lately.. i've noticed that my friend and I are growing apart... I don't know what or why it happened....
and it's hurting me. This past week, I've been busy with alot of things and okay honestly.... I can't find time to be with her anymore.. But I'm already free. free to spend time with her. I really do, but she ignores my messages and everything.
She won't even talk to me anymore... but she talks with the people I consider not-in-good-terms. so yea she spent time with them yesterday while I was busy shooting for the infomercial. After that event she began to ignore me.
Maybe they told something about me and made her believe it.
I just can't take it anymore..could this be jealousy..? I believe it's more... next level of jealousy? which is? who knows right...
my throat is dry... and i want to scream... I want to escape this reality and to my perfect world that I've created before.. I don't want to see them anymore... I don't want to face them....
When I'm inside my fantasy world I feel so secure and all of my sadness are gone...
I just can't believe things like this are happening... and the wort part is... 4 or 3 months from now we will be graduating... and go with separate ways.. Maybe they have already accepted the fact that we are separating and managed to be happy about it...
my world is starting to change... the real world i mean. and I can't keep up with it... will i survive it or will i break?
please consider my emo-ish state at the moment. I don't really feel so good and I don't know how to let this out.
I don't want to cut myself again like what i did before... I don't want to hurt myself anymore (physically)...
I've never been cured emotionally... the smile that people... behind those are tears I want to shed.
what i founds helps with the real world messing with u big time and ur personal bubble world is becoming like a drug that u have to have to make it thru the day... when u leave ur bullbe and find u cant wait to dive back in where everything is nice and perfect and not so crappy...
ReplyDeletei write... i write about all the problems with the world with my town, with my friends, with me... i write them where no one but me can find them, no one but me cant see them... it is like a secret with myself
i dont have to think about them once i write them down, my mind is clear to b happy, my heart is clear to feel (tho tbh it doesnt do much feelin with or without burdens :/
if u deside to try my idea i hope it works for u :)